Finding a good job is essential for most of us but not a trivial undertaking for many. At least half of my clientele is unhappy with their current job situation and are stressed out about finding a new one. At one point in your life, you don’t just want to find a good job. You want to find THE good job that is usually described as both financially and emotionally satisfying. How do you find that? 

Here is one of the intersections where my approach parts from that of many other therapists who believe that each of us already internally have everything that we need for psychological growth. These therapists are also likely to just sit back and reflect on your narrative, if they provide any feedback at all. But not I. 

Ingredients of growth

I agree, to the extent that we all have a set of “survival instincts” hard-wired in us that work for us, with more or less success. We can observe, feel, think, and draw our conclusions; in brief, we can learn. Potential to grow and survive are internal to us. I believe that’s half-way toward psychological growth.  

We also need challenges (environmental push or pull situations) that evoke our psychological “leap of faith” to develop abilities that we never knew we were capable of; the skills that we develop over time to cope with those challenges, and resources that we can use and build on. For these last three ingredients, we need to interact with the world external to us. 

We have our internal biological capacity to breathe and to imagine the ideal life that we want to live. All these are essential and don’t you dare to trivialize or take them for granted. You will thank them as you are managing your stress.  

But beyond that, we need to rely on our environment to learn skills and find resources. Nature has decided that it’s done hardwiring us with everything we need to know and gave us brains instead that are so poorly developed at birth; we put in the rest through effort and learning as we adapt to our challenging environments over time. 

Here are a few skills, or approaches, that I’d like you to twist your mind around as you are searching for THE good job. This may be your first “leap of faith” and you can do it. 

 Imagine your job-search as a challenge for psychological growth and that you have what it takes  

Get away from thinking of a job-search as a threat for which you are ill-equipped. 

This may not require a leap of faith but also consider the following.  

The longer you stay in a situation or relationship that does not meet your needs even after your multiple attempts to communicate and negotiate those needs, the lower your self-esteem goes.  

As you are compromising your needs and values (those “imagined ideals” that I mentioned above) you slowly run out of “breath”, since it is your dreams and ideals that fuel your motivation. Your multiple failed attempts to succeed when you ask for what you need may also teach you how incapable, or “impotent” you are to make your needs met. You are naturally losing esteem for yourself; you are losing faith in your abilities. You will start to believe that, because this is what you get, it must be that this is what you deserve. This kind of self-talk is a completely natural way of mentally adapting to an environment out of which you believe you cannot escape.  

The next thing that will surely arrive when you stay in an environment that is unresponsive to your pleads, is Hope flying out on the window. Hope is a gift for people who believe they can succeed in their endeavors. Hope is wasted on those who have given up the faith that they can succeed. 

Giving-up-trying is a choice you make. Hopelessness is the emotional consequence of that, not something bestowed on you. If you give up your effort, you give up your Hope and Self-esteem. You will suffer from the illness of cowardice. 

Here are a few tips, skills and resources, that you may be able to utilize when you are looking for your new job. These are ideas that I often recommend to my clients. 

1) Stop living from one necessity to the next 

When you were young, you would do any job that was willing to take you for you had so little work experience. You could not be picky. Perhaps that’s your parents’ wisdom and legacy for you as well: ‘be grateful for what you have’. And you continued doing this, stumbling from one job to the next, for the only image you had was having to pay your bills: your immediate survival necessities. Such thing as having a “career” requires planning ahead that does not grow from shortsighted immediate needs but from having the luxury, and the guts, of taking the next “leap of faith”… 

2) Plan ahead and work backward 

Give yourself the luxury of a half hour or so for a few days and imagine, without any restrictions or self-criticism, what you would love to do with the limited time you have on Earth.  

If you want to be the first colonist on Mars, don’t rule that out yet just because Aunt Berry doesn’t think it’s practical. Make a list. Every silly item on your list gives you a hint of who you are and what you need to be happy.  

What’s so attractive about going to Mars? Being alone? Being the first? Exploring new dimensions of the face on Mars? Experimenting with new vegetations that can survive in low gravity? Do you like living in caves? The desert red sand?  

Of course, if you have more earthly endeavors, don’t be intimidated by modesty and simplicity. You don’t have to be weird to succeed in life. Write everything down. 

3) Extrapolate 

Once you have a long list, go through it and try to find similarities among them. Look at your list with a “soft focus” (I’ve just learned this concept from Andy in Headspace on Netflix.) Read between the lines to learn more about what attracts you. Do you see a pattern in your list of ideals? Alternatively, pick the one that falls closest to your rational image of yourself and research that. 

Once you get the idea of what job you’d like to achieve, start figuring out how to get there. Use the resources below, if you please. 

4) Giving up is only an option AFTER the facts, not before 

Refrain from giving up an idea out of pure belief that you can’t have something. Believing that you can’t have the cookies is not a proof that you can’t have them. It’s just a belief. You have to try first. When you have researched and searched thoroughly and you have physical evidence that shows that you can’t get there, then it’s time to change directions. Hanging on too long to “a situation or relationship that does not meet your needs even after your multiple attempts to communicate and negotiate those needs …” – go back to the beginning of this article to come to full circle of understanding your belief of failing.  

5) Start on solid ground 

First things first. Whether you are looking for employment or contemplating self-employment, you will need a resume. As an independent contractor, resume has continued to be an essential part of my career advances. Resume Builder offers you a great number of resume and cover letter templates. You also have the opportunity to create an account and print your own resume and cover letter. And it’s all free to you. 

You may need to clear your view on your finances. As an independent adult living on limited funds, it’s always essential to know where your money is going and where you can save. You may be surprised how much you actually spend on potentially un-essential things like outdated subscriptions or clothing that are cool but not really needed. Here is a free accounting app for you: Wave Accounting. It’s similar to Quickbooks but it’s an open source software so it’s free, but you get no free support. It categorizes your income and expenses after you connect to your bank accounts and you can view and print your spending habits, a.k.a. “profit and loss” analysis any time. Your credit card company may make such categorization for you, but you can only see that for that credit card and only at the end of the year, and they set the categories, not you. With Wave accounting, all design is in your hands. 

6) Research 

Play around with O*NetOnline, a federal website that lists all the job titles in the U.S. HRs use that too. Put in your keywords of interest and see what pops up. You can also use the site’s exploring feature to find out what you “want to be…” And the amount of information is amazing. You can check the activities you’d do, the skills you’d use, and even how much salary you can expect to make. When you like what you see, click the button to find job listings online! And it’s free. 

Create a LinkedIn account. This may be the only place where you can follow employers without the suspicion of “stalking” them. I’ve heard that many people find connections and jobs there. I am not familiar with Facebook but that can be helpful too. Never hurts to try what they can offer for you. Remember that for better or for worse, when it comes to succeeding in life, WHO you know comes full body-length ahead of WHAT you know. 

Seek a career advisor for more hands-on help. In California, CalWorks is a good place to start. Sacramento Works is our local version of it. I would especially recommend the one on Hillsdale Blvd. They can help with resume writing, interview skills, trainings, and connecting you with employers. Public libraries used to offer help too in the form of volunteer job coaches. Inquire there. These are free resources to you. There are also professional career advisors or job coaches you can hire. Research a few in your target industry. 

Ask your alumni association for help if you have attended college. If you are, or expect to be, part of a professional organization, check them out for support. They may be able to find you a mentor, too. 

Arrange for informational interviews. Find people who work in your field and email them for a chat over coffee or Zoom to get their experiences of the industry. Ask what you’d need to have or do to find jobs and perform well in that area. See if they have concrete suggestions. Successful people often love to share their success stories. Some struggling ones may even feel empowered when they get to share their struggles and failures. You can learn from failures as much as, or even more, than you can from successes. Remember the idea attributed to Thomas Edison: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

Many paid jobs grow out of volunteering for a while. People get to know and trust you while you are there for a couple of hours a week. You also can check out the place without many long-term expectations or pressure. You can get a taste of many different work opportunities. Check out volunteer opportunities at volunteermatch.org.  

Contact the Small Business Administration and SCORE if you are contemplating becoming self-employed and start a small (or large) business. Consider it a must. Both offer online and in-person trainings (perhaps not in-person during Covid), as well as individual mentoring, no matter what stage of business-building you are in. Your business license or your taxes have already paid for this opportunity. I can only praise them. I would not be here without them. 

Seek training in leadership and/or business, such as ones that Nasdaq Entrepreneurial Center or the Women’s Business Center offers.  

Grow your social life and look for new fun activities and check out meet-up groups. These are groups of people looking to meet like-minded individuals to socialize with. You can also start your own group. This has little to do with finding a job directly but a lot to do with keeping you sane. Lack of fulfilling and stimulating socializing can lead to depression. 

What else can I think of? 

Ah yes, books 

There are a ton of them out there but let me just suggest a few that have helped me. 

The Success Principles by Jack Canfield & others is an exhaustive list (I mean really, exhaustive; I’ve listened to 8 hours of it on Audible and I still have 10 hours ahead of me) of principles such as taking full responsibility for your life; deciding and pursuing what you want; making things doable by taking small bites instead of trying to swallow it whole; and how to face potential obstacles; all of which will come handy in not only planning your success in life but also achieving it. 

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Lois P. Frankel helps women who are employed and/or plan to make progress along the professional hierarchy to overcome their “competition-shyness” and “caring-for-everyone niceness” that hinders their abilities to advocate for themselves and achieve their ideals in a highly competitive man’s world. 

Career Essentials by Dale Mayer offers good rationales and guidance on how and why to write resumes and cover letters and prepares you for job interviews too (if you get the 3 books-in-one version). 

From Failure to Success by Martin Meadows (not directly related to job seeking) gives you proven techniques to overcome your shyness and fears of all evils so you can move out of the way of your success. He is personal, accessible, human, and very useful. 

And to help you breathe and manage stress during these times, now you can watch Headspace on Netflix. Each 20-minute episode is a wonderful way of learning about relaxation, letting go, and breathing. Remember the importance of stress management that I mentioned at the beginning of this article? This is it.  

And while you are searching for your coolest job ever, here is your Koolcatkoo coffee/tea mug that even holds your cellphone. (I’m a cat enthusiast. If you are a dog person, I take no offense.)  

Disclaimer

I have no interest whatsoever in any of the resources that I have offered on this page. I take no responsibility for them. It’s purely for your information. I make no recommendation or endorsement. Please do your due diligence and make your own independent decisions whether to interact with them. I just stumbled upon them while I was working on my own business or helping others find their way through the jungle of daily living. No hard feelings if you don’t find them cool.